My Journey to Eldership

I have taught spirituality, meditation and the contemplative arts for many years, having recovered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. A result of my years in child welfare. My PTSD and subsequent recovery led me to want to discover many of the "big" questions. Why are we here, whats it all for etc? And this led me on a journey inward, with much revelation and many ah has, along with teeth gnashing and thoughts of suicide all thrown together. 
My recovery and my joy are one and the same thing, for me a constant gratitude for the love I feel for life, my family, friends and those I encounter daily.
However a few ago I felt the depression returning, it was a little hard to get out of bed and a feeling of pointlessness was overtaking me. I put on a lot of weight and stated to ache in places I didn't know I had.
My misery, I blamed on the GFC and losing quite a bit of money, and so felt justified with  my state of mind.
Then one day I saw that things were changing for me. I was getting older, my body was changing, getting a job was no longer a breeze. My hair was grey, and wrinkles were appearing on my face.
But it was much more than that! It felt like I was being asked to move to a new "level" or new phase of life. To embrace a new inward journey of discovery called ageing.
The inner most tenet of this discovery has been the transition of death and dying. Because it is the preparation for this, the last third of life, I think, is for. As a natural occurance to embrace and learn the journey inward is ever more important as the bodies role changes.
I am not asked to do the work of a younger person, but to be a guide to the youth. To encourage on the path of love and gratitude for all that is given.
I have found that recontexualising my past, forgiving my mistakes and living with gratitude has given me the ability to help. The give has become a natural urge. It is a joy to be asked by the younger generations for advice as this gives me the opportunity to step up to my role as an Elder.
I am currently developing an online series of teleseminars on the purpose of the aging process. What has been called from "Ageing to Sageing" ( not my words but very apt)
I hope you will join me on this journey
With Love

Margo

http://www.gracefultransitions.com.au

margo@gracefultransitions.com.au

Another View of Ageing

Ageing is not necessarily the easiest of stages for anyone to go through.The changes are quite profound, both bodily and what our outer social needs may be. What we can accomplish and how we feel about things. One of the main things is not to get caught in the "decline" ideas, but to recontexualise to a  broader more humanistic idea of  transition to another stage of life. Where needs are different, outlook can change and the  possibility of transformation is held.
Change is an ongoing an inevitable part of human life, being able to embrace change, flow with it and move beyond the glitches of fear, while abandoning our past, is the skill of letting go. And in letting go, is embodied the idea of having new experiences , that may have with our past consciousness bought fear or trepidation.
This can, to an older person seem more like the stage of life of a far younger person, with an adventurous heart and mind. We now  want comfy slippers and to avoid the daily hype and news given us by a media that goes over and over the same thing on daily basis.
We do, when we get older, begin to see the sameness of world events being repeated ad infinitum, with slightly differing backdrops and characters. The script given a change that updates the language and idiom to be current and reflective; Same,same but different!
Does this make us tired and jaded? Well the possibilitiy of this choice is available, or the moment of ahha can be sought and opened as a viable opportunity for understanding life in a different way where the external scenario doesn't hold value. And we begin to detach from the valuelessness of  the repetitive scenes of destruction and expansion, conflict and harmony.
We begin on a journey that takes us through a questioning of beliefs, and asking the questions of what meaning we have given events and ideas. We see how the possibility of our meanings can  be wrong or no longer useful. And if they are not deeply held they will fall away without to much pain.
Causing a kind of vacuum to appear, and an explosion of possibility to enter consciousness. To stay present with this new and vibrant way of understanding your self is why many of us over the years  have practised the spiritual arts of meditiation, conscious communication, the use of love and forgiveness as a way of life.This process is one of beginning to use a more internal knowledge or way of viewing,hearing and doing using the prompts given by a higher vibration that must be listened to and from a mind that has been quieted, and stilled. At least for  periods of time where a new experience can take place
Staying present to the inward connection of who we are, taking direction from that knowledge of a higher mind that transended the constant engagement with the world. This outer reflection or "doing as the world would have me be" is a path that will inevitably bring despair, anxiety and depression. And the ageing process has embedded in it the opportunity to detach and love.
And while some may see this as an opportunity to become a "grey nomad",notwithing this as a useful metaphor. It is however, a nomadic mind can give rise to new possibilities.
Scientists have proven beyond doubt the plasticity of the human brain and its ability to learn new pathways, conquer new skills and so be more available to itself as a tool to higher consciousness.
To engage the whole self in transformation is to use the physical,the psychological, the mythogical story as well as the spitiual. All these create the whole and none are apart from the other. In the process of ageing the physical change is apparent, with facial change of wrinkles and dropped cheeks, hair turning grey, the bodies dry  and sagging  skin, weight gain is easy and in direct proportion to lack of exercise and love of good food, and a forgetting that while we no longer run like the wind we also probably should not  eat like we did once.
The mind starts this transformation by moving away from bodily conscerns of beauty as prescribed by a "youth culture" society, to an appreciation of the body as is. This gives rise to the maturity that starts to see beyond the material to the spirit of things and love within each person that is spoken of in all spiritual and religious text.
To take this opportunity is to become conscious in the ageing process of who we are in the whole scheme of life. To be able to start to look at the history and our part in it, the contribution of others, to accept what is, to forgive the past, what we thought others did to us, or what we did to them. We must forgive ourselves in the process of coming to terms with our own death.
Because this is the time when death is no longer something that happens to someone else. It becomes a bedfellow, as friends and family members transition, we attend more funerals, and visit hospitals and those who die.
With this in mind faceing death is our greatest gift. And not waiting till "the end" is possibily the other greatest gift you can give yourself. By letting the fears arise and be bought to conscious understanding then released, we can move toward to our own transition with grace.
Noone has no fear of the unknown, it is inbuilt in the human psyche, to the degree to which each of us is prepared to face these fears, have them be seen,heard and let go of is individual and often amounts to the courage and determination of that person.
Reverend Margo Knox
Graceful Transitions
Australia
0409476803

Funeral Celbrant, Bereavement Support, Conscious Ageing workshops
margo@gracefultransitions.com.au

As We Age, Faceing Our Own Death!

 Yesterday I made a trip to the supermarket, and was delighted to be able to help an elderly couple with some of shoppings little snags such as pulling the trolley out and reaching for higher goods. They so rememinded me of my parents, I wanted to go home with them. But as we chatted, the woman said to me" "Don't get to be 85, it isnt fun, and I am not sure I signed on for this"?

My response was "Well I think I did sign on , and it is enevitable, unless I die sooner". And there lies the whole dilemna of ageing. How we view it, how we traverse it, and what psychological and spiritual work we need to do for this stage of life to be fullfilling for each of us.

My generation of baby boomers is currently careing for ageing parents and faceing up to these issues.
We have such a wonderful opportunity for new ways to view this world.

I was recently talking with a friend about the care of her ageing mother, which she is doing in her home with occassional help from other family members. The thing she said that effected her most was the overwhelming nature of the care needed for a person in the end stages of life. The vulnerability of the person is not just something that needs care but reflects deeply on the relationship between this woman and her mother and the life they have spent together. Accepting this passage of life as inevitiable, can be firstly an intellectual and emotional stumbling block, because it want it to be otherwise.

The mind somehow doesn't want to see, or ruin, our memories of a once vibrant mother, with all her faculties in place, cooking for family gatherings, loving us and our partners, welcoming the new members of family. Somehow above the petty squabbles, and vieing for top dog in the family hierachy. She just kept loving and accepting.

And here we are faced with a woman who can no longer do these things and needs our care. To bath, to dress, to have food on the plate and get to appointments in that big wide world.

To have this be a time of wonder and joy, as well as coming the deep emtional understanding of our own ageing process and finally death, has taken many of us to new places of understanding and a kind of liberation of who we think we are. Yes we are left with orphan status when when our parents pass on. But it is much more than that.

The opportunity for a forgiveing and almost innocent relationship is on offer. As the older person relinquishes the world, and has less and less interest in the things that held a focus in the past, a new more inward looking, sometimes subtle, change occurs.

It is at this time, from my experience and talking with others that the care can change from the physical to a more bringing forth of the joy and innocense of a remembering, and this may look  childlike.

But it is I think the natural rememberance of where we came from in the first place. And a longing can set in for the passing on to occur.
This looks to us like acceptance.
Or it can look a little like a sort of dementia, where the person has one foot in this world and one in another.

The readiness for this major event, is natural.
However it can be aided by our acceptance, standing back, loving, helping and just being present.

While we miss and grieve for those who are passing or have passed. This is not about us. It isn't about hanging on, to the physical, trying to get the staus quo to remain or blanking out what we don't want to happen. This is only fear of our own reluctance to face our own mortality, and can with be looked at square on and released without much todo.

Recently I spoke about the joy of meditiating with friends not just with aquantances, and this I mentioned is particularily important with the elderly and those readying themselves to pass on.

Lastly I want to mention the role of forgiveness. Which is something that often starts to happen naturally for some older people, and can be encouraged in story telling and journaling, about their life. All lives have the wonder of history and therefore interest of ongoing generations.

But here I want to mention the forgiveness work necessary for the carer to feel free of burden, worry and anxiety about the future, and their part in the demise of the elderly. The outcome would be the acceptance of death and passing on as an occurance of inevitablity. The love with which we do this is up to us and takes using the processes of forgiveness on a daily basis. We are not seperate entities but totally connected to each other on a plane of knowledge, that because the elderly, having done their worldly duties, is now opening up to and being revealed in unique ways not to be missed.

It takes seeing the elderly as whole and innocent, seeing beyond the body, with the eyes of spiritual wonder to the empowering knowledge that a life well lived, whatever it has looked like is what it is. And is to be loved.

All the best

Reverend Margo  Knox

ph 0409476803 margo@gracefultransitions.com.au
http://www.gracefultransitions.com.au

Ageing: The Potential; Making it Conscious

 Ageing:
Ageing can be a conscious journey into your own lived and experienced Wisdom.
This  involves developing the inner resources to adapt to ageing instead of denying it; it is taking a step to ensure that the next phase of life is filled with self-discovery and deliberate choices.
It is expected that around 3 million Baby Boomers will retire from the workforce in the next decade. Life expectancy keeps increasing.
After reaching the peak of our careers and our kids having left home, we have decades of life before us for which our culture offers us little preparation and no model.
I am developing a course that offers a radical new vision of ageing.
Supported by recent brain research, it argues that increased longevity calls for the development of an expanded consciousness and the evolution of a vital role for elders that no one else can fill;
It recontextualises ageing as the anticipated fulfilment of life, rather than its inevitable decline
 Contemplating the big questions, such as, ‘what has it all meant and what is my purpose?’ This  may or may not not yield the answers, although it could point you in the direction and  help to clarify many long held questions; what is important to us from our present perspective?

Conscious Aging Journey into Your Wisdom.
The work of 'conscious aging', is based on the work of pioneers in this field, in particular Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, author of From Age-ing to Sage-ing and Ram  Dass ( Still Here). It is based on the view that the later stage of life has  within it the unique potential for growth for those willing to pursue it.  Half of all people who have ever lived to be 65 are currently alive. We are  retiring sooner, living longer and facing decades of life for which we have had little preparation.  The workshop will provide an introduction to the theory and introduce some of  the practices which make acquiring the qualities of an "elder" a deliberate  outcome rather than a lucky break.  In the workshop we will begin to explore:
 Our images of aging
* How we'd like to use our vastly increased longevity 
* Alternative visions of aging ( looking at self beliefs, boundaries, and imposed ideas, both self ansd societal)
* Making an intentional inner journey to review our past , writing an intentional journal of our lives.
* Discovering the gift of forgiveness
* Converting the rich experiences of a long life into wisdom to benefit  ourselves and others ( Don't sell  
   yourself short!)
* Identifying our beliefs and values, philosophies and life lessons learned 
* Reigniting our passions and creatively 
* Facing mortality as a natural part of the life cycle so we can savor each  day rather than obsess about the future.  The workshops are for:  * Those nearing retirement or retired * Adults who wish to design their second half of life
I will be holding introductions to this workshop on the Gold Coast particularly the aspects of
forgiveness and journaling . Please contact for details margo@gracefultransitions.com.au
ph 0409476803 http://www.gracefultransitions.com.au

"We are alive, therefore we will die."

The Prophet ,Kahlil Gibran, On Death  

"You would know the secret of death. But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heath of life? The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light. If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life. For life and death are one, even as the river and sea are one. In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond; and like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring. Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity. Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honor. Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king? Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling? For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered? Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance." 

What is Death
" Death is the cessation of the connection between our Mind and our body." 
Although intellectually we all know that one day we shall die, generally we are so reluctant to think of our death that this knowledge does not touch our hearts, and we live our life as if we were going to be in this world forever. 
As a result the things of this world – such as material possessions, reputation, popularity, and the pleasures of the senses – become of paramount importance, so we devote almost all our time and energy to obtaining them and engage in many negative actions for their sake. We are so preoccupied with the concerns of this life that there is little room in our mind for genuine spiritual practice. When the time of death actually arrives we discover that by having ignored death all our life we are completely unprepared. 
What is death?  
Death is the cessation of the connection between our Mind and our body. 
Most people believe that death takes place when the heart stops beating; but this does not mean that the person has died, because his subtle Mind may still remain in his body. Death occurs when the subtle consciousness finally leaves the body . Our body is like a guesthouse and our Mind like the guest. The Mind is neither physical, nor a by-product of purely physical processes,( the Mind is not the brain) but is a formless continuum that is both a separate entity from the body and at one with the body. This pardox allows us to know the Higher Mind while living in the body. When the body disintegrates at death the Mind does not cease. 
Although our superficial conscious mind (the daily chattering mind) ceases, it does so by dissolving into a deeper level of consciousness, the very subtle mind; and the continuum of the very subtle mind has no beginning and no end. It is this mind which, when we spend time and effort to understand and let go our worldly attachments, including fear,anxiety, misery and the idea that material goods and societies pressure to live with prestige will make one happy.  
The transition of death can be made easier through an active forgiveness of self. 
Some people do it by actively gathering friends and loved ones around. Others do it by themselves. Still others do it long before the last stages life knowing that dying to grievance and arising to the life of forgiveness, daily,  affords us the ease to pass over without the baggage of fear.

 Peace of Mind
  Peace with my heart Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet. Let it not be a death but completeness. Let love melt into memory and pain into songs. Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest. Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night. Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence. I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light you on your way. ~Rabindranath Tagore   

I will come to you to talk of these things, death,life,forgiveness, love.  If  you are in the last stages of life, or you or a close friend or family member is dying. I can come in person if you live near to me on the Gold Coast , Queensland, Australia or we can talk by email margo@gracefultransitions.com.au or by phone or skype . please contact   Margo Knox  http://www.gracefultransitions.com.au

Bereavement & Listening

Bereavement & Listening
A bereaved person who has not sucessfully grieved is more prone to illness, both physical and psychological.
There are several basic principals to remember:
It is normal and healthy to express intense and painful emotions relating to loss.
Grieving is important for healing the wound of seperation
A bereaved person may experience a wide range of feelings ; shock, sadness, anger, guilt, depression, and despair, as well as relief, hope and acceptance.
The painful feelings will diminish with time. if they remain intense and prolonged, then professional help may be required
A total absence of grief, when a person carries on as thought nothing has happened, is not healthy sign and also may indicate the need for professional help.
(Thanks to Mal McKissock, "Coping with Grief")
When listening to friend or relative who is grieving, firstly listen and listening deeply.
They do not want to be "fixed up"
Their grief is normal and real for them.
If  it makes you afraid or not know what to say.
Then dont say anything .
 Remain calm and open.
Then at a later date ask yourself what the fear is?
Is there grief you haven't dealt with?
Are you afriad of the death and dying process?
All these questions will come up for you when you have a close friend or relative die.
They are wonderful questions to tackle in life
Because they are life's big questions
All the best
The questions you face for yourself or your family can be worked through with someone like myself,

Margo Knox
Iam available by email or phone or in person on the Gold Coast , Australia
margo@gracefultransitions.com.au
ph 0409476803

http://www.gracefultransitions.com.au

Aged Care Nurses

I have begun recently to work with some of our dear nurses.
The ones who work tirelessly in Aged Care,. The nurses who help so many people into their dying with a  comfortable position to transition and let go of the earthly life.
Moving on and leaving family, friends and loved ones.
However these nurses are at the forefront in their profession of having ALL their clints d ie.
It is what they do. They celebrate with joy and love the lives of their patients in care. They help with keeping the body functioning and the mind as joyful and free of cares and worries as possible, during this process of ageing and the last stages of peoples life.
Sometimes they get to know the person better than their own family because they are there, and families these days are scattered all over the globe. They form a vital relationship in this process of care to ageing persons who cannot any longer care adequately  for themselves.
I have been talking to nurses about the loss and subsequent grief that can experienced in their jobs.
Traditionally the idea of creating "professional" distance for nurses has been upheld, often to the detriment of both nurse and patient. By not allowing for the natural formation of attachment and relationship.
This has changed especially as aged care facilities improve and we learn to respect the ageing process, and not turn our backs, on the inevitable trajectory of our lives.
Nurses who do or can be attached to patients/residents/clients in their care may experience a deree of grief following death. This loss is often experienced as pain and would be best validated and held in esteem rather denied and pushed to one side.
Grief is an integral part of the celebration of life.
We are all interconnected in our daily lives and in ways that are sometimes not evident.
Being able to freely express grief and loss takes us all a little closer to knowing ourselves as being One with the All and being compassionate to ourselves leads to compassion for others.
If your aged care facility would like to participate in this program please contact
Margo 0409476803
This program is educational , learning to share the responses to death and dying in a way that suits the individual. Education on the process called grief and loss and how unexpressed feeling states of grief will cause  difficulty within the body with stress and or sickness. Nurses deserve the very best of care!