Coping with Grief at Christmas

Coping with Grief at Christmas Time
by Doris Zagdanski

For some people, Christmas is not the season to be jolly.
For some people, this Christmas will be filled with sad
memories of someone close who is no longer here...

Facing your first Christmas without someone you
love can be a very lonely and daunting time.
There may be expectations that you will put up the
Christmas tree, send out greeting cards, go out
Christmas shopping and join family and friends for
Christmas dinner...especially because others want
to see you coping and moving on.
But when you’re grieving this can be really difficult.
You may have no inclination or energy to ‘pretend’
that you are looking forward to Christmas when in
truth you wish things were the way they were last
year - when you were still together with your loved
one.
On the other hand, some people want to handle Christmas time by doing
things in the same way as always - not changing anything and keeping to
the same routines and family rituals. Keeping to the familiar gives them
comfort.
When you’re grieving, everyone handles their emotions and reactions
differently. Here are three tips if you’re facing the dilemma of how to handle
this Christmas:
1. Give yourself permission not to do the things that you’re finding hard
to do - writing Christmas cards, putting up the tree, going to
Christmas parties - it’s alright to let these go this year or next, until
you can cope with social events again.
2. Make a point of remembering your loved one in a special way - light
a candle for them on Christmas Day, place an ornament on the
Christmas tree to symbolise them, buy a gift for a needy child or
family in place of the gift you would have bought.
3. Allow yourself to grieve - the days leading up to Christmas (and other
significant days on the calendar) can heighten your grief. Seeing
other couples and families together just hurts. Seeing the empty
place at the Christmas table will be hard to bear. It’s alright to cry and
let people know that it’s hard living without someone special. Try not
to bottle up your feelings. Now’s the time to tell a close friend that
you’re struggling to put on a happy face.
And, if you know someone who is grieving this Christmas, give them a
call, write them a special card, invite them over for a quiet get together,
speak up and acknowledge their loss, and have the courage to mention the
name of their loved one … and let them know that you understand that it
may be a hard time for them because it’s Christmas… and there are
memory triggers everywhere of a missing face, an empty chair and silent
thoughts of the way Christmas used to be.